Dear Penthouse,
30 06 2008And all your men’s magazine pals.
I would like to thank you for your wonderful work and all you do for women’s self esteem.
As a woman, this is what I get look at everyday.
Somewhere along the way, magazines geared towards women decided this is what we should look like.
I’m buying clothes. I want a picture that is going to show me what I will look like in this little underwear. Not something that will show me what i would look like in it if I weighed less, was a few inches taller, had the littlest legs in the world, no ass, and just for good measure: perfect hair.
But then I remember you, beloved flesh peddlers. I remember that your magazines are geared towards what men want. Men do not want bones. Men don’t want women that push away half eaten salads. Men like curves. Men like real women.
And boobies. Can’t forget the boobies.
I remember that Kim Kardashian’s Playboy spread was one of the most talked about in recent history. Why?
That’s why.
This is the body that men can’t stop talking about.
Kim Kardashian gives me hope. Her giant ass that makes men melt, and leaves dropped jaws in it’s wake, is my inspiration. If she can become famous for a huge butt, (and sex tape, but we’ll gloss over that) then perhaps I can rock some shorts without spending hours positioning myself just so, in order for my thighs not to dimple.
Victoria’s Secret expects me to believe tankinis were made for this woman.
Phew, I almost wore this same outfit today. Glad I changed or that could have been embarrassing. Especially because they would have split because I HAVE AN ASS and don’t like it painted with tin foil.
You may objectify women, but at least you are straight forward.
The message I receive from your mag: Look at this body: its sexy. Muscles are good. Real women are good. Curves are good.
The message I receive from women’s mags: Look at these clothes. You will never look as good in these clothes as this model. But for $6,000, you can try.
We still have a long way to go, but you have come the closest to consistently celebrating a real woman’s body.
So, Penthouse and company, thank you for doing your part to remind us what is sexy: a healthy, feminine figure.
Which includes boobies. Can’t forget boobies.
Oh my gosh, girl, you crack me up. Once again, this is a letter I think you should send (seriously!). And that girl in the foil pants scares me! I thought I was skinny… until I saw her. She just looks CREEPY! I don’t know a single guy who would pick her over someone with a Jessica Simpson-type figure.
Hilarious letter, girl. Although I think you are forgetting one tiny thing: we women are trained to dress up sexy… for other women. If this was all about what men liked in women, high fashion would have gone out a long time ago and Kim Kardashian (LOVED the pics) would be president of everything. Women’s mags cater to our (catty) desire to one-up each other. Skinniest b*tch wins, right? Wins what… they never tell us;)
Yay for Penthouse?
I have no boobies… can we forget the boobies and just stick to the booty??
I am having a problem and would like for anyone to comment.
I want to hire a personal trainer, but the private studios near me only have male trainers. I do not want a male trainer because I think it may be uncomfortable. Do any of you have male trainers? Is it uncomfortable? Am I just the weird one who thinks that it may?
CCV- I know! thats a balenciaga ad, and those pants over a grand. shes frightening.
charlotte- so true. whats funny is im usually a skinny jeans, nice shirt and flats/sandals kind of gal, and for some reason i feel inferior around the bleach blond, stiletto, halter top girls, even though i hear the guys make fun of them, or comment on how its dumb that they have to do thier hair and have a full face of makeup on all the time. why? cause i think they think they are prettier than me because they have the time to do that. do i want to be attractive for guys or do i want other girls to think i look better than them? why do i care either way? i have a boyfriend who hates when i wear makeup. who am i trying to impress? am i trying to look good so i feel better about myself? i dont know, but either way makes me feel shallow.
chandra- i have no boobies either. i think booty counts, too. otherwise, im screwed.
T- i cant speak for people that have trainers, but some women prefer men because it makes them work harder- kind of like they want to impress them. i think i would do better with a man, but a lot of women prefer me (a female
)- because they feel more comfortable- either asking questions, or voicing insecurities, or just with the physical contact. i think its odd no one has female trainers around you…but you have to make sure you are comfortable to get the most out of your sessions. dont be scared to ask specifically for a female- lots of people do it. They are there for you and to help you reach your goals.
I’m a hips, butt, thighs girl all the way!!! My hubby LOVES Kim Kardashian for exactly those reasons! To him she is THE perfect woman’s body type (aside from mine of course
)
I agree that you should mail that letter into them. They’d get a kick out of it.
And it’s true! My hubby says it all the time…no guy wants a stick. They want a real woman!
Amen.
A love a little satire in the morning.
And my husband has always said the same thing. Too skinny girls typically equal a lot of other issues that a hot pair of (tinfoil) pants can’t fix. I rare have met a man that wants a stick. They do want the hips, thighs, (boobies–well–I have some so I want to keep this one!), and asses. Most guys I know would rather have a girl that wants to go play around outside, can go hiking, kayaking, carry their own groceries, etc…not someone who looks like they may break in half if they lift a gallon of milk.
Cheers!
I loved seeing your camping trips! You and your boy are definitely zexier than any of those airbrushed, scarily waxed models. Ya know what I hate? When women’s magazines call a woman “curvy” just because she has a pair of double Ds on her size-below-zero stork-legged body. Still laughing over your “letter to Penthouse.”
that victoria’s secret tankini is one of the ugliest things i’ve ever seen. Only that model could wear it and cause me to crumple to the floor and cry in a fit of self-loathing. well done, v.s
but seriously, great post. well done, egn, i couldn’t have said it better. It’s always strange to me how men’s magazines are all pin-ups of emaciated women with huge chests (umm, that’s not possible?), and women’s magazines are…the same thing. Shouldn’t we be exploiting men? Come on, magazine industry!
T – I have a male trainer and I don’t feel uncomfortable at all. At first I thought I might be, because when I thought about male personal trainers I kind of envisioned them acting like drill sargents, but it’s not like that at all. Actually, I dont’ think any of the male trainers I’ve met are like that so they’ve totally changed my perception.
But like Kelly said, you have to make sure you are comfortable with the person… you could maybe see if you could get a trial session or something to see how it goes?
Kelly T – In response to your comment back to charlotte – OMG, I just not even an hour ago had this conversation with a friend. I was talking about this guy I like and how he always dates these gorgeous, thin, long-legged blonde girls that I can’t even compare to and I have no chance against. As the short brunette girl I ALWAYS feel so inferior to those kind of girls no matter how many times I hear guys talk/laugh about how fake or high maintenance they are…
I would do anything.
ANYTHING
To get just one touch of Kim K’s butt. I love her.
Also, I don’t know if you noticed, but those guys in that first pic aren’t exactly realistic images for men to live up to either.
fitarella- i used to get kind of weird when guys i have dated used to kind of grab my hips or thighs or whatever (that sounded way more aggressive than i meant to) because i was insecure about those areas but then i figured out its because they LIKE them.
jenn-from my experience, guys dont notice any less than a 20 pound weight difference
fitzalan- so true. just this weekend when i went camping all the guys were commenting on how i could carry way more than the other girls, or that i didnt complain about going to get fire wood. you know why? cause its not a big deal to me because i work out. guys dont respect weak girls who need help with every little thing.
tfh- i know! i look and think, thats curvy? those are boobs. and hips. women are supposed to have them. i think magazines forget that sometimes.
Leigh- haha yeah, as soon as i put that pick up i thought, that suit is hideous, i totally could have picked a better picture.
theres no guy equivelent. the closest thing for guys is giant body builders, but girls dont want that either. maybe hairless guys? or guys do the dishes? im going to make a calendar of hot guys doing household chores. maybe my bf will get jealous and pitch in here and there.
chandra- isnt it weird? I’ve never really had trouble finding a boyfriend, but all my guy friends will talk about how they dont like girls like that, but then WHO DO THEY BRING HOME? Rock of Love rejects. or The Hills rejects. and then they get confused as to why it doesnt work out, but they can have friends like me and my other girls friends for years and years. hmm, i wonder why….
chris- ooooo, touche.
man brain picking time.
do you feel inferior when you see those? or think that you want to look like them? or possibly rape a woman while 10 other men pretend to not notice?
Oh my god I love you for posting this!
I love how body image boosters comes from a magazine like Penthouse nowadays XD
This is awesome. And WOW her butt is amazing!
You are hilarious, keep up the good work
I have said it many times and will say it again from a mans perspective. Men prefer real women, not what is on a magazine cover….sorry if I got carried away. The media is beyond silly.
Delurker. Second Post. Kelly, I don’t want to bore the rest of your audience and i wanted to chat about something specific. What is your email address? I have a history of an ED and in two weeks I am starting a new job as a personal trainer. I would love to pick your brain… thanks
Kelly –
Yes, I think all men feel that they should look like the men they see on fitness mags and in movies. I think it’s nowhere near the level of what women feel, but it is approaching that. Men are all supposed to have killer abs and huge biceps, which is just not realistic.
Not that I don’t have those…
Kelly -
Again, wonderful commentary. It’s funny, because to me, looking at your pictures, I couldn’t imagine that you would have *any* body issues. Course, knowing a bit of your history, I know this isn’t true. Just goes to show, it doesn’t matter what shape or size you are for the media to make you feel inferior. Ha!
Chris -
It’s not the biceps, it’s the muscle right above your hip that gets us.
I hope that didn’t come across as bitchy. It wasn’t ment to be.
Okay. I’m having a party. And it’s in celebration of my a-cups and my juicy (but not KimK) booty. Why can’t we all just love ourselves? You totally crack me up!
Everyone’s invited to my party!
You know who I also think is a great role model? Fergie! I LOVE the way she looks! She’s healthy and doesn’t mind being silly sometimes. The VS models all look so mean!
K, I’m delurking, Colleen, I’m coming to your party! lol
mark- i think something a lot of women are afraid of is that men dont realize hoe made up and fake those pictures are. so we think, “even though that woman doesnt look like that in real life, i should look like the fake her because thats what guys think is attractive.” when i was in the depths of my eating disorder, i would look at a picture, knowing full well that it was fake or photoshopped, but still think i should look like the fake picture. turns out guys dont even care about the fake ones.
jen (and anyone else)- its freept@live.com
chris- well, then its pretty much the same thing. i have a friend that is freakin’ buff, like amazingly, and all the other guys seem to be pretty self conscious about it. but i dont find it attractive in the least. you cant cuddle with rock. my guy, and the guys i am usually attracted to, tend to be lean, some downright skinny, and i tend to like a scruffy, unkept look.
or you could look like Graham from the Bachelorette. Am i right? does anyone know who i mtalking about? cause i would leave my boyfriend in a second….
sassy-no, not bitchy at all. (remember who you are talking to, lol.) a lot of people say that to me, clients especially, and you know, just because I may have the body YOU want doesnt mean that its the body that I want. Or just because the girl at the mall has the butt YOU want, doesnt mean she has the butt SHE wants. Alos, you are your own worst critic, so most the time you cant even see what you actually look like.
and i call those the “look-at-my-penis-muscle.” its like an arrow leading you home.
colleen- im coming but i can only bring my less than a cups. is that ok? am i still invited?
cookie- aside from the meth addiction, and her weird, “am i elderly or am i 20 years old?” face, i agree. and she works out HARD. and OFTEN. and she has curves. I hate when celebrities say they dont work out- like its something to be embarrassed of. Id respect someone more if they were overweight but said they were in the gym everyday.
angelcubbie- stop lurking! im throwing a delurking party….
I never thought I’d concur that Kim Kardashian was doing something positive for society, but when you put it like this…
As long as she doesn’t try to be anyone’s spokeswoman.
You totally just made me laugh out loud at my desk, and blush at the same time. “look at my penis muscle…” Ha!
but still, at little bit embarassing that I pointed it out as being the sexiest part on a man….
Oh, also, I would look really weird if I was as skinny as you, so I admire your body (not in a creepy sexual way) but would not want it for myself. I have a bigger frame (and tits and ass, and well I’m just bigger than you) and would look sickly that thin, where as you look good. But whatever, I get what you’re saying…. Ummm… yeah. I’ll quit babbling now. kbye
So that girl in the copper style pants, yea her name is Coco, she lives in NY (where i used to live, and where i met her) and she is one of the sweetest girls i have ever met. She eats regularly (trust me i have seen it happen, several times) and she really truly is just naturally that thin, she has ALWAYS BEEN that thin. i say, good for her for capitalizing on her look, because i guarantee that girl has more money then every single person reading this post…combined! And i can add that she is an extremely happy, healthy person, we belonged to the same gym and she worked out an average amount, 4 days a week, just like many people do. Some people just look like that. Deal with it.
As usual, Kelly, you rock. And I know that when I lost some weight this past fall because of my crazy schedule, my husband told me that I looked better with a little bit more on me.
Yeah, that made me happy!!
Amen. seriously.
And kims butt? I would kill for that butt. I have a generous helping of boobs, but butt? nope. Mine is like Kansas…..flat and wide.
Jessica- ha, my boyfriend asked me who she was, cause he’s a boy and doesnt really know pop culture very well, and i couldnt explain her because i dont honeslty really know why shes famous. except for the se x tape. and being paris hilton’s friend. and the sex tape.
sassy- yea everyone is just built different. i do have a small build, its just a fact. and its just a fact that i carry my weight in my legs and hips, while other people carry it in their bellies, and some in their chest. thats why you cant compare yourself to others, you just have to be the best you that you can be.
havetoadd- i think you missed the point of the post. im not ragging on the models at all. I have a friend thats a model as well, and its really just a body type that some people have, and some people dont. she used to get made fun of because she was SO tall and SO thin. I didnt say anyone had an eating disorder or made themselves be this small, im just saying that for ADVERTISERS to think that this is the body type that women want to relate to is ludicrous. ( i typed ludacris at first. isnt that sad?) magazines and advertisments for women’s clothing and/or products where women are the primary audience hire teenie models for us to try and relate to. think of how many women you have seen in their underwear/naked in real life vs. how many you see in tv, movies, magazines, ads, etc. Its enough to make any woman feel like there is something wrong with her when she looks how she does and EVERYONE else looks like your friend. there are all types of body sizes- why cant we see them all?
JenP- when i was sick, the most common comments i recieved from girls were “OMG, you look so skinny, what have you been doing?” and from guys it was, “where’d your ass go?”
i think that says a lot.
Allison- haha i immediately thought of a guy i work with from kansas. not that you really care, but it made me laugh.
I really like your website Kelly, but i have to say i didn’t love this post. Not one of the pictures you posted is something that ANYONE should try to look like considering they have all been altered (esp the ads, magazines one) I can totally see the point you are making, and i can respect it, and i thought your comment about tankinis on the VC model were priceless. I didn’t like the line “muscles are good, real women are good” how many real women are pictured in mens magazines? NONE, because they are all silicone or airbrushed or photoshopped – Or at least that’s what i have to tell myself to get through the day.
Not trying to cause a fuss, just voicing.
but i still love you.
p.s. it was probably the pic of Jessica Simpson that put me off to this post…i hate the bitch
oohh havetoadd-
i was with Elite model management in NY also!!!! I don’t model anymore, i came home to go back to college but i kind of miss it and am thinking about contacting them again. And i met Coco once and she was super sweet and nice, even though i hate her a little for being 10x more successfull with modeling then i ever will be…
i’m being really negative today. 10 bucks says i start my period tomorrow.
JessieP- haha, no worries. You can disagree all you want, just don’t make fun on my clothes or I’ll pop you one.
I totally get what you are saying, but the main point is, like I said in the post, that men’s magazines are closer to a representation of real women than magazines geared towards women. While the men’s mag was airbrushing Jessica Simpson, they stopped at a more real body shape than say, Self, or Vogue (HA! like she would ever be in Vogue….)
um…so do we get to see some pics? isnt that the agency America’s Next Top Model uses?
***SIDE NOTE*** dont be scared to disagree with me, guys. Thats why i write-to get everyone’s opinions. this isnt just a place for me to ramble and you to listen silently. we are all here to discuss health and fitness and body image- i just pay for the hosting
Oh yes! Everybody is invited – less-than-a-cups to Z cups if you got ‘em! KimK booties or pancakes – those are welcome too!
LOL!!!!!!!!!! what a great AND real post! i never thought about the difference between men & women’s magazines until after reading this… shocking!
Yea, that is the agency the use sometimes although they mix it up in the seasons, sure i have tons of pics i took out there, not sure how to post them, but if you tell me how i’d be happy to share!
Thanks for having a good attitude!
T, I have a male trainer and he’s great. He’s very matter-of-fact and encouraging. I say go for it.
This blog entry and it’s such a good point. Kind of sad that the more body-positive messages are coming from the opposite gender, whereas our own gender encourages us to starve ourselves into oblivion.
I know you said don’t be scared to disagree – but how could we disagree, really? Your post is thought-provoking, inspiring, and even funny (oh those tin foil pants…)
Oh yeah also…I’d also like to come to that party…as a less-than-A-cup-so-let’s-focus-on-the-booty-please guest.
SO TRUE! Love this post, Kelly! Too bad I can’t stop reading the stupid objectifying magazines, though… I think I’m addicted.