The Difference Between Normal and Abnormal Eating: Immediate Gratification
26 03 2009I have found that most people with food issues, no matter whether its bulimia, anorexia, binging, or anything in between, have the same personality trait in common: they need immediate gratification.
Ok, I can’t take credit for figuring that out on my own, my counselor shared that little pearl with me, but ever since he said it, its become very obvious to me, especially within myself.
Take food: those of us with eating issues always look at the “normies” and think how can they eat that and not think about it? Or not plan everything? or obsess? or count? I dont get how food isnt a big deal to them.
It’s because food isn’t filling a void for them. It’s not a I MUST HAVE THAT NOW kind of thing. To normies, hunger is a gentle nudge saying “hey, you are low on fuel, you should probably eat soon,” and they go about their merry way until its convenient to eat.
To people with food issues, hunger is either a screaming alarm telling you that if you dont eat right now and fill this void you aren’t going to be able to think about anything else until its taken care of, or a big high five saying, “great job, you are being strong, keep it up.” Either way, that stupid little hunger cue (which if you have ever had a past in binging, you know its not even hunger, simply not being full is enough to send you into a anxious food spiral.)
Its all about immediate gratification. People with food issues use food to fill some void, and when the slightest hint of a trigger arises, you need to fix it NOW.
THAT’S how you know if you have issues with food. If you need food so intensly at any given moment, out of no where, whether you are hungry, anxious, sad, lonely, happy- anything, and you cant think about anything else until you get it (or deprive yourself of it, in an anorexic’s case) you are abusing food. Its like a drug fix- you cant think of anything else until you get that hit.
It took me a while to figure out how to tell when I was genuinely hungry or not. I was always scared of being hungry, and at first I thought it was because I didnt want to engage in restriction patterns like I used to before bulimia put me in a choke hold (I dappled in starvation, but was never very good at it) but I later realized that was a lie I told myself to rationalize continueing to abuse food. I was actually scared of getting hungry because I would get anxious, and nervous, and I needed my fix. Eventually, with a lot of white knuckling I got through it, got used to it, and figured out my REAL hunger cues as opposed to my anxious hunger cues.
I discovered its ok to be hungry. I’m actually hungry right now but wanted to finish this post first. That’s not restricting, its not starving and as long as Im not about to pass out, its perfectly healthy. I don’t use food to fill voids anymore.
Except for the one that’s in my stomach, so I’m going to go eat now.
Kelly,
This is a fantastic post. Seriously. Fantastic.
I’m no longer in the throws of my binging ED, and I dont wish to be back there, but this would have been a great article for me in recovery.
It is incredible the timliness of this post as I was posting a similar question for myself on my own blog. I’m glad to read through yours and feel a little more clear about what is going on with me.
Thank you.
I couldn’t agree more.
When I am hungry/tired/stressed/etc. I am like a junkie looking for a fix and I will stop at no lengths to get my fix. This is not the case for “normal” people.
Just filling that void with other things so that food is an afterthought has been the best “fix” for me.
Thanks Kel.
This is a great post, Kelly!
so knowing this, what is a solid action plan that gets you through the void?
Very interesting. While I know that sometimes food isn’t just food to me– when I’m stressed I’ll often eat when all I need is sleep or to call up a friend– I’m relieved not to recognize that panicked, “must have it now” feeling. Yes, sounds just like addiction.
This is totally true. When I get a little hungry, I need food right away. I tend to watch people when they just eat a big piece of cake like its nothing. I wonder how they don’t even think twice about it. I know they have a healthy relationship with food though. When cake is in front of me, I usually attack it. I have been much better though about enjoying a small amount rather than acting like I’ve never seen cake before.
i can’t view the video! it says its no longer available!
Great post and so true. I have a hard time determining if I am hungry or is it another emotion. I love Veruca. But sometimes when it comes to sweets I am a lot more like Augustos. I would love to drink that chocolate river and eat wallpaper all day!
First step to dealing with food issues: recognizing that you’ve got them. This is useful!
glad to help guys.
I remember i used to get so confused cause jerome, or someone else, would say “im hungry” and I was always like “ok, so where/what do you want to eat?” and they would just go “Oh, I dunno Ill eat later.” That idea was so foreign to me
jasmine- its working for me. its just veruca salt’s I want it know song from Willy Wonka.
Kristi- the snozberries taste like snozberries!
Great post. It’s amazing what kind of hold food can have over someone. You’re doing so well with your recovery.
Wow. This is what I needed. Great post.
I am recovering from disordered eating. I’ve had so many set-backs, particularly with binging. I had an episode last night, and this is exactly how I felt. It’s how I always feel. I can’t stop thinking about food until I’m shoving it in my mouth. Last night was terrible…I got too hungry and ate any and everything I could until I was past full. I was watching TV with my boyfriend and the whole time I was thinking of when he was leaving so I could go eat ice cream. I get anxious and worried if I go somewhere for a long period of time, I freak out and think I might get hungry. I have no idea what normal hunger and fullness feel like. I’m working with a nutritionist, but it’s always 2 steps forward and 2 steps back. Granted it’s only been 2 months, but I still feel like a failure.
Very interesting observation. I’ve never put the two together before, but it makes perfect sense.
I agree with your first commenter – this should be required reading for every girl in ED recovery. It sounds so simple once you say it out loud but it’s so true. I still struggle with that “anxious hunger” feeling.
Wow, so true. I never thought of it this way but I am definitely in the immediate gratification category. If I am at all hungry I need to eat right away, even if it is a small snack, and my boyfriend never understands why I can’t wait the 30 min for our food to arrive. But why can’t I?? I always need SOMETHING at the first sign of hunger. I am working on this. I want to see food the way “normies” (great word) see it — something my body needs, something delicious, nothing to give a second thought about.
that was really well written….many thanks for sharing that informative little tidbit.
Kelly, I absolutely love this post. Thank you.
I don’t really know what to say because it described me for so many years until I broke free from my eating disorder.
I love this:
“It’s okay to be hungry.”
I think sometimes people who are so fixated on the FOOD worry that if they get hungry, then they will binge, or maybe it’s not okay to be hungry because this means you are starving yourself… when in reality, it does not mean either of those things. It took me a long time to realize that.
very insiteful, thanks for this.
SUPER POST!!!
I find it particular interesting because I have the exact same problem in reverse…..I am afraid to be full or satisfied….I loooooove the feeling of being STARVING for my meals. It’s really bad. I hate that when Im not hungry I think “oh crap, you should be hungry considering what you’ve eaten, what’s wrong why aren’t you hungry” so I tend to horde calories like a mad person (btw, i’m in “recovery”) so that at night I can go to sleep with a very full tummy (so that I can make make close to my calorie quota). then, the problem with THAT is that sometimes after a big dinner, I’m really NOT hungry anymore, my desired before bedtime state, but then I feel like I SHOULD eat so that I have enough calories, so I may force myself to eat a bit more, and then am freshly miserable. Does that make any sense? Does anyone else only eat meals when they are REALLY hungry? And then I tend to eat while reading blogs and draaaag out my meals as long as humanly possible. re: the girl who was thinking about when her boyfriend was leaving so she could eat ice cream…..ditto….always…it’s really hard to conceal from my boyfriend
thanks so much kelly
condensed version:
Who is afraid of NOT being hungry? Who feels like they can’t eat a meal unless their stomach is literally growling?
Discuss!
beth- oooh good discussion. thats kind of what i was getting at when i said the immediate gratification of feeling strong. your goal might not be weightloss, but for anorexics, they want results NOW, which is why slow, gradula weight loss is not an option. they want that growling light headed feeling becaiuse then they KNOW its working and thats thier sign of control.
i was like this for a while, and lived for that empty feeling- funny how things completely swapped and i dont think i was legitimately hungry for a good 2 years. even if my stomach was technically empty, i never felt hungry because it was all screwed up from purging.
“I have found that most people with food issues, … have the same personality trait in common: they need immediate gratification.”
I think this is interesting, but I’d like to push it a little deeper.
Do you mean immediate gratification generally, or IG about food specifically? For example, I can delay gratification and say no to myself about many things, for example buying things and investing time in a masters degree while working full time. I’d like to hear from others – do you tend to need IG in many areas of your life? Or mostly with food? If its mostly with food, why food?
Also I think its true to say many cultures push IG – buy it NOW! eat it NOW! do people without food issues also have IG issues, but just not with food – are they acting out with credit cards or affaires or drugs?
just some questions your article raised for me – ps love your blog – encourages me to be more kickass at the gym!
Would you be willing to divulge—and if not, totally understandable that this could be an overshare situation—if you had whacked out menstrual cycles when having an ED/in recovery/after recovery? I haven’t had a period since mid-October of last year (2008). I also went off the pill during mid-October, so I had just assumed that that was why I hadn’t started cycling again (and I know you’re not a doctor, blah blah), but I also have a pretty low bmi (17.5ish) and some vascularity i’m not particularly fond of, and a host of other signs that makes me privately wonder if maybe I’m not menustrating because of fitness/food type issues? Thanks!!!
toronto- well, if they have eating issues, then food is their drug of choice. other people choose spending, or gambling, or drinking, or sex. i dont know what causes people to choose the addiction they do (yes, i said choose, because anyone can go seek help if they wish). If I knew i would probably be a millionaire.
I dont think i need IG in other areas- i can be pretty impatient but i think thats just a personality trait. i dont really “use” things in that way anymor because im so ridiculous at overanalyzing everything i do now. “why did i say that?” “why do i feel this way?” thanks, counselling.
Beth- ive always been regular but ive been on the pill since 6th grade due to deadly cramps
I’m not a doctor Beth but I would say that yes, you likely have lost your period because of the stress you are putting on your body. A few years ago, I went off the pill after 5 years and it took me a year, lots of inconclusive tests, and a major life and mindset change to get my period back. This included leaving a really stressful situation and taking 3 months off work. when we put stress on our bodies in one way or the other, the period is a sign of the effects. basically it’s your body’s way of not allowing you to have children since it is a dangerous situation for them to be born into.
Take care of yourself.
Wow – what a great post… Unfortunately, I was – can still be – this way about cigarettes so I could VERY much relate in your ‘like a drug’ anlogy because that’s how it is. Out of nowhere I must. have. one. now. I can’t imagine being that way about food – how scary. Thanks for helping me understand what that’s like…
I completely agree. The hard thing for me is determining whether it’s my STOMACH that wants/needs food, or my mouth. Like last night, I came home with a full belly but my MOUTH wanted something. Stupid mouth.
Wow, Kelly, this is such a great post. As I have struggled with binge eating for pretty much the past 6 years, I can totally relate. I am just now realizing that it’s “okay to be hungry”, even though it’s still hard for me and I do still have setbacks.
I’m like you…I’m impatient, but I don’t think I need instant gratification with anything else, but I get such a sense of urgency with food. Like poster Julie, it saddens me to think of times I have wanted my loved ones to leave me alone, so I could be alone with the food; or even just shoveling things in my mouth, not tasting them, to get rid of the junk before my husband could get home and see me bingeing
It really does become an addiction.
I’m interested in the comments about birth control and periods. When I was in college, before my binge eating habits started, I too was eating such a low cal diet and dropped my weight pretty low for me and lost my periods. I went on birth control, and have been on it for 5 years. I stopped 2 months ago and have yet to get my period again, even though my eating is not restricted as it was in college. Interesting.
Thanks for the insight and a great post. It’s comforting to see that there are other people out there who struggle with this and hopefully we can all support each other!
To people with food issues, hunger is either a screaming alarm telling you that if you dont eat right now and fill this void you aren’t going to be able to think about anything else until its taken care of - THIS IS SO ME!
Thanks for this post Kelly. I’m still working on figuring out my real hunger cues. This was good for me to read.
Hope you have a good weekend.
wow, great post. i have definitely fallen into this trap the past year or so… trying to get past it, one day at a time. I do good for a few days and then break down for one reason or another. gotta learn to listen to my body again :-/
Holy crap, Kelly, that entire post was verbatim the constant barrage of thoughts in my poor brain as of a few months ago. Even though they are not completely gone yet, its so amazing to be (for example) at a family party and actually have fun interacting with my family, instead of hovering by the dessert table and getting internally angry and anxious when someone wants me to pull me away from my precious drug to have me watch their kid or something. Its so nice to talk to someone and not hear the constant “when are they going to shut up so I get more food” in my brain, even though I am sickly full. And now I can go to a restaurant sometimes without having a nervous breakdown just waiting for the food.
Instant gratification (and perfectionism which I think goes hand in hand with this) is also a huge part of my personality. Well, a huge part of my personality I am trying to fight. I didn’t start truly recovering from binge eating disorder until I accepted the fact that I am not perfect and I can’t one day stop bingeing to never binge again (instant gratification). My body can’t instantly go back to the way it was before my bingeing got completely out of hand. I can’t instantly run a 5k again in 21 minutes after years of not running.
thanks for this post. I knew I had a problem but seeing it described like this really opens my eyes!
~Justine
AMAZING.