Every Gym’s Nightmare

So I have been poking around the internet in search of fitness blogs that I would enjoy reading. Mizfit is great, (hello!) but she is the only one I can find that I myself would (and do) read, and if I, a personal trainer, find other fitness blogs a self-righteous snoozefest, Im sure you all do, too.
 
I think my main qualm is that everything is too calculated. Its anything you can pick up in a magazine and read, and everything is broken down into minutes, heart rates, incline, reps, sets, calories, ad naseum. I think the fitness community is too elitist. Those that are knowledgable and have that information to offer seem to be more interested in showing the reader that working out is hard, and since they are so buff, they work out harder than you. If you are not working out as hard as them, you are weak, get out of here. Be intimidated by me because all of this information is confusing to you, but I am writing about it like its nothing because I am smarter than you, there for you do not deserve to be fit. Run away, puny weakling.
 
Or they just know how to cut and paste.
 
Our job is to take this information that admittedly is a bit confusing and involves a lot of variables, and break it down into just what you guys need to know. In order to lose weight or gain the health benefits of exercise, you dont need to know your maximum training heart rate, your VO2max, or your “fat burning zone.”
 
I feel this is why people dont work out. They hear all of this information floating around, get confused and intimidated, and think they cant ever do it.  This is what leads them to quick fixes and easy tricks. The terms quick and easy insinuates that weightloss and fitness without gimmicks is hard, if not impossible, without them.  I dont think we in the fitness industry are making an effort to bridge this gap. 
 
Which leads me to my million dollar idea, because everything I do is in hopes of getting a million dollars. This is completely irresponsible journalism here, which is perfect because I am not a journalist, because I havent technically read the book, but I will write the fitness sister to Skinny Bitch. It will be called Shut Up and Move. Or just Shut Up.
 
I have some insider info: for all of you that are not athletes, and I mean college or pro, or for the younger readers, highschool athletes, you dont need to know your heart rate. You dont need to know what moves are going to bulk you up and how to avoid it. If you aren’t training to be a figure model or a weightlifter, women, you will not bulk. There’s just not enough testoterone in your lady body. You don’t need to know your fat burning heart rate zone. Stop making it harder than it needs to be: just move.
 
Move all day long. I do not pay any attention to my heart rate or my mileage for running, or any of that, and i consider myself a non-competitive athlete. I wear a pedometer everyday because I am a busy gal. If I can sneak in some movement a little throughout the day, it just adds a little boost to my workout at the end of the day.  I do not substract how many calories I burned from every day activity from my workout at the end of the day. This would instill doing the bare minimum all of the time. I keep track of nothing except how I feel. In the morning, I reset the pedometer with no thought of how many steps I did yesterday. I run to relieve stress, I weight train to be able to get through everyday activities with ease, I work out to improve my quality of life. Its as simple as that. I just want to live a long time to bother you all for as long as possible.
 
A good workout is one that makes you sweat and leaves you wanting more. You may hate it while you are doing it, but afterwards, if you can nod your head and say with certainty, that was a good workout, you’re there. People do this with food also: how many grams of fiber and protein do I need a day? That’s not your biggest problem right now. Just eat less or cut out the crap. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be. As you can eat intuitively, exercise intuitively.
 
You may scoff and say, “But wonderful all-knowing Kelly, you do not need to lose weight, so of course it is easy for you,” to which I would reply, “but, alas! While I do not need to lose weight, I create plans and routines for people that do all day long: this is my career. And I find that through instilling this principle of exercising to feel better, about your day, your body, or yourself, people stick with it longer and enjoy their workout.” I want everyone to get to the point where they look forward to their workout, and the only way people are going to do that is if the focus is off the numbers. They will follow, I promise, but only if you stick with it. The only way you will stick with it is if its fun and makes you feel good. 
 
And if you don’t have to think too much. Because at the end of the day, we are still Americans.

Tony Little cracks me up.

I am so exhausted. I cleaned house for about 3 hours straight and now am home to clean my own house. i got a free futon and tv stand out of the deal so I cant complain too loudly. Although, I am very good at it.

 I didnt get a formal workout in, but mopping, sweeping, washing windows and hauling trash and furniture definately will get the heart rate up and burn some cals.

 I have dishes soaking so I am checking in real fast. I will do a proper post tomorrow after work, I promise.

 So honestly, what do you guys want to see? I mean, I have no problem just posting my every day routine, but I find its already getting repetitive. I would really like to use this to share my knowledge with you guys, thats why I started it, but the only way that is fun, is if its things you want to know about. I have yet to find another blog just about fitness, so i would like to use this to its fullest potential.So lay it on me. Any suggestions are welcome.

Work this morning was actually really fun. I usually dont work saturdays, but offered to to give the guys that do a break, so I worked with clients i usually dont work with. I tend to have a lot of older women on my regular shift with a lot of injuries and a lower experience level. Saturday mornings are for heavy hitters and it was a blast. i love my regular clients but I love to also just kick people’s asses and have them love it. It gives me more to do, too. My favorite exercises to do with more advanced clients is I stand up on a block in front of them with a medince ball up over my head. I  have them do squats and tap the bench with their butt then jump up in the air and push the medicine ball as hard as they can. They are always tenative at first but if you keep yelling at them they get mad and really try and shove you off. And then you laugh when they cant. If i did that with my regular clients they would start crying and we would have to have a heart to heart and discuss self esteem and feelings.  
Last night the boy and I went to Talarico’s, famous for their 14″ slices of pizza. Or you can get a whole pizza, 28″ for around 30 bucks. Its ridiculously huge. The boy got a pint of PBR and a giant slice of pizza. I got an Ami’s Fresca (vodka, lemon, lime, grapefruit juice and 7-up) and an arugala and roasted eggplant salad with leeks and basalmic dressing. You can tell who’s the classy one. it was just ok. The drink was good though. it tasted just like a friend of mine’s own creation, Drunk in a Cup, but cost about 8 times more. Last summer a bunch of us went to her cabin for the weekend and we lived off drunk in a cup, doritos, and hot links. That was Friday. Saturday, none of us could move. Good Times.
 
Today is the big cleaning party to help Jerome and his roomates get the place ready to give back to the landlord. It’ll be the 3 boys and me and a girlfriend, who is dating one of the roomates. That sounds like a episode of Degrassi. (They are making a movie! Any one know what i am talking about….?) Anywhoo, our master plan is to get really drunk and then do such a terrible job that they yell at us and tell us to stop trying and they will just do it all themselves. That was how i got out of doing the dishes for my first 16 years of life. i have a feeling that will be a good workout in and of itself, but i will fit in a run later on today also. and stretching. I am so tight, no matter how much I stretch.  I know im losing flexibility because Im not doing gymnastics anymore, but Im not used to it. Its frustrating.
 
My dog hates me.

 
I didn’t know dogs could make facial expressions, let alone one’s of disgust.

 
I caught him secretly working out when I wasn’t supposed to be home. He’s planning his revolt.

Its snowing. I was wearing shorts last week and now its snowing. In Seattle. It doesnt even snow in winter in Seattle.

Well, its Friday, but I have to work tomorrow so no wild plans. I might get a drink or 2 with the boy before we go our seperate ways: he to clean his house for his move and I to bed so I can get up at 5:30am. i dont mind work so much, so its ok, and its not like i would be doing anything that early in the morning anyway, except sleeping, so I might as well make some money. 
 
I tried my hand at panko last night and it turned out really well. I had some tofu so I covered it in spicy stir fry sauce, dipped it in the panko and pan fried it in a little bit of olive oil.

 
I had it with a baked potato with mozzarella cheese and tapatio, and some kale chips with garlic salt. And the ever present D.C. It was suprisingly fast and easy, and really filling too.

 
As I was looking for recipes to use the panko, i found they have whole wheat panko. I will try and find that next time, but i bet it is really expensive, like all things that are good for you. Especially shoes.
 
I defrosted some fish so Im going to panko that tonight, too. Panko is now a verb. Just like how “hom bow” is now a phrase. “Hom bow we order a lot of asian beer and harrass the waiter with our clever word plays?” I think with the fish I will dredge it in a little bit of egg and flour, see if i can get a nice thick coating on it. If it turns out ok Ill show you guys.
 
I would love to run outside today but the weather hates me so it looks like I will be confined to the gym.  Im starting to feel a little sick, too, and don’t want to exacerbate that by sweating in the cold. Working in a gym is worse than working in an elementry school: theres no way around catching what everyone is sweating everywhere. If its nice tomorrow I will go to Alki, the beach by my house, with the dog for a run/walk, its gorgeous down there and packed when its nice, which makes it more interesting.
 
As I am doing this seminar, it really upsets me how much misinformation is out there. i dont read a lot of hype-oriented fitness articles, but Im sure you guys do. Whats some weird stuff you hear about, that people might fall for. I know the basics: not eating at night, negative calorie foods, etc. What are some you guys have heard of, or maybe some that you arent sure if they are true? Maybe i can put them in my seminar.
 
Again, just trying to get you to do my work for me.
 
Success: its what I achieve through all your hard work.

Alright everyone, break out your leg warmers and reeboks with the strap, its time for BUNS OF STEEL. And thighs and hammies.
 
SQUAT WITH FRONT RAISE
Works glutes, hamstrings, quads
You will need: a chair or bench, dumbells
 
Stand in front of a chair, feet shoulder width apart, knees soft. Keeping your chest up, slowly squat, while bring your arms, palms face down up to horizontal. Lightly tap the chair with your butt, push through your heels, and lower your arms and return to standing return to standing. Dont sit on the chair.
 

 
SQUAT JUMPS
Works glutes, hamstrings, calves, quads
You will need: a chair
 
Stand in front of chair, just like in the exercise above. This time, squat, keeping chest up, tap bech with butt and jump into the air as high as you can. Land softly, bent knees and repeat. Go for speed and height.
 
1 LEG BUTT LIFTS
Works glutes, hamstrings
You will need: Your lil ol’ self
 
Lay on your back with both legs bent. Straighten one leg in the air, keeping knees together. Push through your heel and lift your butt of the ground, raising your hips toward the ceiling as high as you can. Lower back to start.
 
 
1 LEG LUNGES
Works glutes, hamstrings, thighs, helps build lateral stability in the knee
You will need: a chair or bench, weights if desired
 
Stand facing away from chair. Place one leg backwards onto chair, top of the foot laying flat on it’s surface. You may need to hop your front foot out a bit, just to make sure that when you lower, your knee does not pass over your toe. Keep your chest up and lower your hips to the ground. Push through your heel and return to start.
 These are my favorite butt exercises.

 
1 LEG SQUAT TO CALF RAISE
Works glutes, hamstrings, calves
You will need: a chair with a back
 
Stand next to a chair who’s back you can hold onto lightly for support. Raise one leg in front of you just enough that it will not touch the ground. Keep your chest up and lower into a squat. Press through your heel to standing and rise up onto your toe. Lower back down into squat. This is on fluid movement up and down.

 
I have a ton more but I will save some for later.

Just for the sake of vanity, I would like to let you know that I always take these pictures after I work out. I dont always look like I just spent 3 monthes lost in the wilderness.
Hey Kiala- you like my sweatshirt? its American Apparel. EAT YOUR HEART OUT.
 
Im on a running kick, so depending on my schedule, I will either run at home or at the gym on the treadmill. Im a little tight from yesterday so ill get a good stretching sesh in also. Maybe some weights. Depends on my mood. I throw caution to the wind. Im dangerous.
 
Maybe I wont stretch. Gasp!
 

Actually I will or else I wont be able to walk tomorrow.

This nutrition seminar is turning my brain to mush.  Soon you’ll find me in the corner, muttering about percent daily values and eating my own hair.

 So today I decided to go for a run outside which tends to de-stress me more so than and indoor workout.  So I headed to the school across the street.

They have a nice set of staris that I like to run also.

The weather wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t raining. Until it started raining. Because this is springtime in Seattle.

I did a loop of stairs, track, stairs, track over and over and then i did a loop around the block and went home, because if I get sick I very well may die. I haven;t been sick in a long time and I have a feeling it is going to come soon, with a vengence.

There wasn’t much rhyme or reason to my running, as is that case with most of my workouts, so I cant really provide specifics. Today was sort of boring, my apologies. No, wait, I take that back. I’m not sorry. That’s just how some days are, and YOU come here to see what I do, so here there it is.

I will be posting lower body exercises tomorrow. Im only going to do a few but I have a ton, so I will do new ones every so often. I can’t show you all my best at once, can I? What would keep you coming back? My excellent proofreading ability?

LisaR asked a great question:

So i commented a few days ago about running and ALWAYS getting side cramps. Would not chewing gum make a difference? I’ve noticed I chew gum alot…everyday but only one piece a day (I chew 1/2 at a time). I know you swallow air when you chew but I don’t know if this would make much a difference!

thx

Side aches are caused my an insufficient warm up.  When you do cardio exercises, your blood flow is shunted from the abdomical area in order to deliver it to the exercising muscles. This results in vasodilation, or increase in diameter, of the arterial blood vessels (the ones that deliver blood to the exercising muscles) and vasocontriction, or decrease in the diameter, of the blood vessels that supply blood to the abdominal area. A nice warm up will give you a gradual redistribution of blood flow, which will eliminate that stitch in your side.

Other benefits of a warm-up:

• Slows the accumulation of lactic acid which will prevent high intensity exercise for long periods, and also cuts back on muscle soreness.
• causes a gradual increase in muscle temperature, which prevents injuries and pulled muscles. Think cold taffy: if you pull it, it snaps, but if its warm, it stretches.
• Increases the elasticity of the connective tissues (ligaments, tendons) preventing injury of those areas.

Your warm up should last about 5 minutes and be a lower intensity form of what you will be doing as your exercise. Stretching comes AFTER your warm up. Remember the taffy analogy.

 Im going to go to the gym tonight, and do some cardio and lower body. I will post lower body exercises, like I did with the upper body yesterday, probably Thursday.

My lunch was delicious today:

• Whole wheat pita
• left over Easter ham
• Part skim mozzerella cheese
• Left over steamed brocolli, cauliflower, and carrots
• Baby spinach
• Onions
• Mustard

I had it with a raspberry cottage cheese double and an orange.

How many of you guys only work out at home? Im trying to get a grasp on my audience here, because if a lot of you guys also go to the gym, i can try and get some gym workout encorporated, too.

For your guns. Ha. Sigh.

Is it just me or are there not very many fitness blogs? I can’t really find any, if you know of any, please let me know.
 
Good news: I found my pedometer in my car this morning. I thought i lost it while I was out on Friday (its hard to keep track of things like that at a bar when your bladder is the size of a raisin.) I had given up hope, but there it was this morning, wedged between the door.
 
As promised:
 
FAVOURITE UPPER BODY MOVES
(I like to pretend I am English sometimes and spell things with “ou’s” or check like “cheque”)
 
In true me fashion, some involve other body parts as well. I also post the exercises I do, which tend to be a bit more advanced, but will offer you easier variations.
 
The pooch is lurking in every picture but I guess it make it more realistic as an at-home workout. i was also freezing whcih explains the scarf.
 
Stability Ball Dips
Works triceps, shoulders, core
 
Find a sturdy chair or bench. Position yourself so your hands are on the edge of the chair, and your heels are on the stability ball, toes pointing up. Keep your core tight and lower yourself towards the ground until your elbows form a 90 degree angle, then return to start.

 
You have to keep your core nice and tight or else the stability ball will roll out from under you. For beginners, you want to take away that instable surface, so put your feet on the floor, knees bent, but make sure your hips stay up so your body is nice and flat. For the intermediate, place your feet on another chair, legs straight.
 
Tricep Kickback Twists
Works triceps
* I’m using tiny 3 pound dumbbells, but I usually do these with about 8-10 lbs
 
Most of you probably know tricep kickbacks, but these add a little extra. Stand leaning on a sturdy surface, your core pulled in, back nice and flat. Hold a dumbell in one hand, use the other to prop yourself up. Arm should be bent at 90 degrees, elbow tucked in tight by your side.

 
Extend the arm, so your arm is straight; this is the typical kickback.

While your arm is extended, you want to twist the dumbell so your palm is facing down. (I didnt take a picture of this because it didn’t show up when I twisted anyway) Untwist hand back to neutral, bend arm back to starting. Next time, extend arm, but then twist so palm is facing up. These are all seperate moves so dont run them together. Extend, twist palm down, twist back to neutral, bend arm, extend, twist palm up, untwist, bend arm to starting. This is one rep. Do 10 in each side.
 
Prone Stability Ball Front and Lateral Raise
Works shoulders, anterior deltoids (the front part of your shoulder)
* Ditto on the dumbbells
 
Lay over a stability ball, feet wide apart for balance, ball on belly. Place dumbbells on floor directly under shoulders. Take your right hand and raise it directly in front of you (front raise) then bring it back to starting. Next, raise the right dumbbell out to the side (lateral raise) then back to start. Repeat with left arm. This is one rep. Do 10.

Try especially hard to not let your hips move around, or your shoulders to torque. You essentially want to be in plank position; completely static with no movement beyond your arm. For more resistance, remove stability ball.
 
And now featuring The Boy in:
 
Incline Push Ups
Works chest, biceps, triceps, shoulders
* The only way these are true incline push ups are if your feet are higher than your head. If you place your feet on a stability ball so you are perfectly horizontal, they actually end up being easier than regular pushups.
 
Place your feet on a chair or bench and get in push up position. Keep your core tight and and dont let your hips sag or bend in either direction, you want a nice straight body. Bend your arms and lower yourself to the ground as far as you can without having to arch your back to make sure your head doesnt hit the ground. Press back up to starting.

 
And there you have it. i  was going to go to the gym tonight but its so gorgeous outside, I think ill go for a run with the pooch. Maybe I’ll get a tan. Right now Im so pale it will probably just reflect off of my and start a small brush fire.
 
 
 
 

Ok, ok ,ok, my estimates for my meals were low. I usually get around 2000 calories, but you also have to remember i am a little girl (5′6″, 119pounds) so that’s the perfect range for me. As someone who used to suffer from an eating disorder, I can assure you I pay very careful attention to my food and make sure I get enough. By the same token, I don’t count every calorie or restrict in any way, shape or form. I spent way to much time doing that, and refuse to be so preoccupied with my meals or eating habits anymore. I read Eatlikeme and eat a lot like cristin (crap, I forget how she spells her name) I dont count calories and I eat when i am hungry. I pay more attention to the QUALITY of my food and not the QUANTITY. This is something that took me years to do, and now I enjoy not caring so much. Life’s too short, eat to live, don’t live to eat. Lots of fruits, veggies, whole grains, limit saturated fats, sugars and hydrogentaed oils. Eat enough but not too much. These are the guidelines I make sure I follow.

So anyways, Easter was fine. I had some ham, steamed brocolli, cauliflower, carrots and potatoes, and a roll. It was nice to see my mom home, hopefully she will be back with my dad on Tuesday.

I went to the gym and it was deserted, which I prefer. I did 20 minutes on the eliptical, then a lot of upper body free weights. Tomorrow I’m going to post some of my favorite upper body moves with pictures, so I will hold off on explaining them today.

After that I went grocery shopping, and picked up some groceries.

• Kale
• avacado
• 6 cheese sticks
• bananas
• 2 Luna bars
• 1 Cliff bar
• 2 Knudsen’s cottage cheese with fruit mix ins (they have a lot of sugar but I don’t eat much sugar so I get them every once in a while)
• Fat free cream cheese
• oranges
• tofu
• sugar free hot cocoa
• blackberry preserves
• 6 fat free yogurts
• box of 9 Balance bars
• fat free milk
• banana chips
• Kashi TLC cookies
• whole wheat mini bagels

Grand Total: $36.94

I also got some crap for the boy (frozen pizzas, mac and cheese, some Arizona green tea) but i figured that wasnt even worth photographing. So these groceries cost even less than that.

I’m probably the cheapest person you will ever meet, so I’m the greatest grocery shopper ever. I have about 3 stores I go to, 2 of them discount, the other Safeway for things like yogurt and milk. It takes more effort but saves loads of money, which really adds up. If something is on my list, and its too expensive, I don’t get it. Simple as that.

Finds of the Day

Kashi TLC Happy Trail Mix Cookies: $2.00

Box of 9 Organic Balance Bars: $3.00

I am off to soak in the tub and read my new Fitness magazine. I like Fitness, too, in addition to Muscle and Fitness Hers. They do a little to much on makeup and clothes, but their workouts are pretty good. Back to exercise tomorrow, I feel like I’ve been spending too much time on food lately.

Man, I didn’t even get a Cadbury egg this year. I think this is the first year I haven’t had one.

Just wanted to post really fast and wish everyone a happy Easter! My family isn’t too big on the holiday, but we are using it as an excuse to get my mom out of the hospital for a few hours, so we are having a ham crockpot lunch/dinner (linner? lupper?) I usually get a basket of fruit, but I don’t think I’ll be getting one this year. After how much the price of produce has gone up, I don’t blame them. I actually bought light canned strawberries yesterday because they were so cheap compared to the real ones.

I over did it on ice cream last night. I blame Chandra for her subliminal internet trickery. But I am going to go for a short run before dunch (that’s my favorite) and then hit the gym on the way back, plus a trip to the grocery store. I’ll show you guys my loot, and share my workout.

I have been asked about my work schedule, and how I eat if I get up for work at 4:15am. So here it is

• BREAKFAST- 4:30am: approx. 300 calories
• SNACK- 10:00am: approx. 200 calories
• LUNCH- 3:00pm: approx. 500 calories
• DINNER- 7:00pm: approx. 500 calories
• SNACK: 9:00pm: approx. 200 calories

All of that is just what usually happens. Sometimes I eat more, rarely less calories and times, especially the morning ones, vary due to when I have sessions and what not.  I eat a lot of fiber so I don’t have much of a problem not eating for 5+ hours. Work gets hectic and the time flies so most of the time I don’t even notice I need to stop and eat, but I always do. I eat more by the clock than by my body because I dont know when I will have a chance next if I have 3 or 4 sessions back to back and won’t be able to take a break for a few hours.

Have fun celebrating the crucifixtion by eating your weight in marshmallow chicks! They should make marshmallow zombies because thats what happened right? A little more historically accurate?

 I’m gunna get yelled at for that. It was bound to happen eventually.