Q and A: Stopping the Urge
6 11 2009Hi Kelly,
I recently read your article about restricting and binging. I am currently having trouble with binge eating.
You wrote that the step to recovery is stop the binges, stop the urge. What helped you stop the urge to binge?
Any suggestions would be so helpful
Thank you
Annonymous
You kind of answered your own question in the question. You have to stop the binges first, then the urge goes away- you have to fight. It would be easy if it were the other way around- if you didn’t feel compelled to binge, you wouldn’t have to do it.
You have to fake it till you make it. White knuckle it. All those other cliches.
Of course its easier said than done. The first thing you have to do is decide that you have a choice. You always have a choice. Each bite of food that you put into your mouth is another opportunity to decide to stop. I used to have the mentality that, “well, I already started binging so I might as well finish it up because I blew bit already” but this is the wrong way of thinking- its just making excuses for yourself. Each step is a success, so if you stop one bite into the binge, or one bite
So what happens? You start to binge, and try and stop, but you get anxious. All you can think about it finishing your binge, and you won;t be able to calm down until you do. You might physically get shakey, or your heart might beat fast and your head spins (sounds like drugs, no?) but guess what? That feeling goes away. Research shows it goes away within an hour, but mine usually didn’t take that long.
The trick now is to distract yourself. You can go about it one of two ways: you can tackle it head on and try and sort through your feelings, or you can ignore them completely. Generally, in the beginning its best to just distract yourself, and do anything you can to pass the time: call a friend, go for a walk- but its usually best if you get out of the house and away from food until the urge goes away. Then, when you get better are resisting the urge, you can use your anxiety to try and figure out why you respond to food the way you do: why do I want to binge right now? what happened that is causing me to react this way? journal about it. talk to yourself out loud. Lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling and just listen to all the thoughts racing through your head and shoot each one down. No i dont need to binge. No it wont make me feel better. No this isnt going to solve anything. No this is not the person I want to be.
The urge will go away when you stop giving into the binges. You are binging because its the only way you know how to deal with your anxiety, but when you dont let yourself do it anymore, you will naturally lose the need to. The clearer your mind gets, and the better you feel about yourself after resisting a few times, you’ll start to realize exactly what triggers you and find a way to deal with it head on- not in a self destructive way. Good luck.
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kelly that was really well written with precise advice from the heart
great response. good advice. all around addresses the issues. i would also say go ahead and take a leap and throw food into a trash that you are going to go trash diving after. that sucks and is a waste of food and money, but if the alternative is a binge then you’ll prob be glad you did. finding things to do is also huge. better if you can connect with other people. that usually passes time really well. i.e. go into a city and walk around with a few friends. sight see. get a coffee. etc. don’t be alone and don’t be at home.
Absolutely spot on advice, Kelly. Out of curiosity, how long have you been binge free? Do you ever get the urge still?
Mama Pea- that’s a hard question. A binge is a matter of degree and intention. As far as a binge to make me feel better, or getting gripped by anxiety until I binge and purge, or eating to point where I make myself sick, that hasnt happened in years. I do not get the urge to do that anymore, because I dont hate myself anymore. I dont feel a subconscious need to punish myself and comfort myself at the same time. Its like a sick pleasure. Now I know how to deal with my feelings in a normal way and dont need the binge purge crutch, and dont need to starve myself or be disgustingly thin to garner love from other people- cause i love myself just fine.
I do over eat sometimes, past the point of normal satiety, but I think that’s normal and something a lot of people do occassionally. I am definitly not strict with my food- I eat fast food, and ice cream, and candy and drink lots of beer on the weekends- not all the time, but more often than you would think a “health professional” would. Some people would think that is eating unhealthy, but for someone that has abused, been obsessed with and regulated my food for so long, I think its the healthiest way to eat for me. No games- eat healthy to treat my body right, don’t be too strict, if I want something have it. I get nervous when I read food blogs of other people because sometimes I think being too healthy and rigid is actually unhealthy and borderline obsessive.
Even though I over eat occasionally, I don’t consider them binges, because for me, i never just binged, I binged and purged- they went hand in hand, and the purge was the permission to binge, or the binge was a justification to purge. I never did one or the other until I was trying to recover and would slip up and binge- then i would have to force myself not to purge.
A binge is hard to explain, but if you do it, you know it. You go blind- grabbing anything you can put into your mouth, even if it doesnt taste good, just to fill yourself up. Its not going and grabbing a cookie, then getting another one until suddenly you have had ten. I used to hit 3 fast food joints on the way home from work and spend over $60 a day on food. I would eat jars of pickles, or blocks of cheese, or anything that was in the fridge. A binge isnt about the food, its about filling yourself up to feel numb. Now, when I over eat, its just because the food is so damn good. Its whats in your head and heart, and I know I have control over myself and my food, and I know that life is too short to worry about it- Ive wasted enough time on that.
I dont have an exact date of the last time I’ve binged and purged, but I’d say about 3 years? Its not like an alcoholic who usually has a date. I found when i focused on days too much and then screwed up i would feel like i was starting over which is a bad mindset to be in, so I just took it day by day. eventually i didnt even think about it anymore. Its an isolating disease, so once i started living life again, and actually doing things with my friends, its like the fog lifts and its just not important anymore. getting to that place is the hard part.
Holy essay question.
You don’t know how much this post means to me at this exact moment in my life.
I just recently started dealing with my anxiety, especially my binge eating issues, head on. Even in starting to see a therapist, I haven’t been given a real method how to get past the binge eating. With your “mantra” - “No it won’t make me feel better. No this isn’t going to solve anything. No this is not the person I want to be” - I now have a verbal cue to remind myself why I MUST get past this.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
As always, you give great insights. I can always apply them to myself, even if binging is not my problem. However, I do get emotionally too attached to food, while at the same hating myself for it. Like, I’d had a horrible day and -all I friggin wanted- was some froyo from Red Mango. Not a gallon, just a regular serving with some almonds or something. And at the same time, an opposing voice snarled “Do not EVEN THINK about comforting yourself with food!!!” It’s a habit I got too obsessive with breaking–you know, having a crappy day and eating something to feel better.
That’s why I REALLY liked this comment you made: “Some people would think that is eating unhealthy, but for someone that has abused, been obsessed with and regulated my food for so long, I think its the healthiest way to eat for me. No games- eat healthy to treat my body right, don’t be too strict, if I want something have it. I get nervous when I read food blogs of other people because sometimes I think being too healthy and rigid is actually unhealthy and borderline obsessive.”
A-frickin-MEN. Haha…I considered it a victory when I had a Wendy’s hamburger. For so long I’d gotten friggin SCARED if I saw a fast food burger. And it tasted gooood! Do I want them all the time? Nah, but every now and then a bit of fast food hits the spot.
And I agree that some health blogs are unhealthy. It’s just another form of control. I’ve learned that all too well. It finally hit me when I would get nervy even around perfectly healthy food, if I didn’t know exactly what was in it. So I’ve slowly started to loosen up. I get hung up sometimes, but slowly I’m making progress!
I just made it back to read your response, and I appreciate what you said so much. Clearly you’ve been up to a lot more than just watching Judge Judy. Talk about self loathing.
Thank you, Kelly.
Kelly-good answer, comment. I think being able to overeat occasionally, just because something tastes good, and the ability to eat something “unhealthy” without freaking out is truly a sign of recovery. I know when I find myself moving towards rigid/obsessive, I make myself eat a damn cookie (or whatever I’m trying to convince mself is BAD) just to break the behavior. I actively don’t allow myself to go that direction.